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Punished with Babies? A Couple “pissed” to be Pregnant with Twins

twins

This Week’s Sign the Apocalypse is Upon Us

by Rebekah Maxwell

Everybody loves babies. The universal beauty of a newborn’s gurgling laugh can put a smile on even the Ebenezers of our world, as we contemplate their innocence and potential. And when you can’t have that child, you’ll spend thousands of dollars and try any possible treatments in the hope of being blessed with that bundle of joy.

Unless you get one bundle of joy too many. Then the parents throw a tantrum.

Refer to the now-viral story of one would-be mom and dad who wanted very badly to have a baby.  After struggling to get pregnant, and trying several fertility procedures, they went for the $12,000 option: in vitro.

It worked! And now, they’re hopping mad.

As CNN reported:

“To say we’re excited would be an exaggeration,” the dad wrote on Babble.com in an anonymous post that recently started trending on social media. “More truthfully, we’re pissed. And terrified, and angry, and guilty, and regretful.”

You see, both embryos that were implanted stuck. The wife is pregnant with twins.

“I lay on the table — dazed and unhappy — as I received the news that there were two healthy sacs present,” the anonymous mom wrote in a separate post. “We were pregnant with twins — twin boys, we’d find out later. In my mind I had done nothing less than ruin our family.”

To say the reaction from Babble’s readers was angry would be an understatement. Many blasted the couple for being ungrateful. Selfish. Bitter. “Seriously, suck. it. up,” one commenter wrote.

But there was a small majority who seemed to sympathize with how these new parents were feeling: overwhelmed, exhausted and afraid they won’t be able to provide for these new lives in addition to their older son.

So, to review:

One baby= “A dream come true! We’d give anything we own to have one!”

Two babies= “Oh no! Our family is ruined!”

And a “small majority” of people responding agree that anger over being doubly-blessed is a normal and  understandable reaction…that this couple (who paid to have multiple embryos implanted, and now rage at having to bear multiple babies) could be justified.

It’s always scary for new parents, unsure how to navigate the many choices and pitfalls of pregnancy. But since these two parents-of-the-year candidates already have a son, there must be something other than first-time jitters behind this flux of hostility. Why are they raving mad? Because they didn’t get exactly what they wanted. And isn’t that what being a parent is all about?

Lucky for us, there’s now a way to get rid of the pesky, unwanted, non-miracle! As the CNN report points out:

Selective reduction — which involves aborting one, or more than one, of the fetuses — was also a possibility for this anonymous Babble couple. In general, the decision to do a reduction for twins is extremely controversial.

“We considered a reduction for about 30 seconds,” this anonymous father wrote. “If you thought that IVF involved playing god (sic), a reduction felt beyond brazen — Machiavellian, even.”

I’m not sure why. After all, you had your life all planned out, and now that plan is being changed…you paid for one baby, and you got TWO! It’s an outrage.

You clearly don’t want both babies. And there’s nothing worse for a child than being unwanted, right? You probably don’t have the money to care for two babies. You’re clearly emotionally traumatized by this disruption in your designer family.

It’s not like being a parent is about self-sacrificial love, putting the needs of your child above your own desires, and providing the best for them even when it’s hard for you. It’s not like your child exists for any reason other to fulfill your wants, or that they have value just by being, independent of your feelings about them. It’s not like ranting and raving online over how you just have one too many babies now to be the ‘perfect fam’ would be a swift gut punch to all those couples desperate to be in your shoes. It’s not like accepting, even rejoicing over, this surprise baby would be the mature thing to do.  Of course not, no one would do that.

Today we know better: you’re only a parent if you want to be. Your baby, your choice. Have it your way. Or don’t have him at all.

P.S. Just be careful not to selectively kill the “wanted baby.”  It’s tough to tell them apart…when they’re exactly the same.