It’s a Boy…It’s a Girl…No…It’s a Victim!
By Steve Deace
Say you’re K.J. Choi, the 85th ranked men’s golfer in the world. For being an above average pro, you made almost $974,000 in 2013. That’s a pretty good chunk of change.
However, if Choi joined the LPGA Tour he’d immediately be a contender for #1 in the world given his physical advantages. Last year’s highest-earning female professional golfer was Inbee Park, who made almost $2.5 million, which is almost three times more money than Choi made last year.
Translation: Choi is an idiot for competing against the guys.
Instead, he should follow the progressive path of Pat Cordova-Goff, a senior at Azusa High School in California. Sometimes Pat feels like a nut, and sometimes he don’t. Right now, Pat is not feeling it. He’s feeling more mani-pedi instead.
Thus, he’s decided to claim he’s “transgendered” so he can make the girls’ softball team at his high school. Of course, the People’s Republic of California welcomes such lunacy in the name of diversity, and Pat is even being referred to as “her” by the school’s empty-headed open-minded superintendent.
Of course, should you make fun of Pat – and somewhere Julia Sweeney is proud – you will be made to care via the People’s Republic of California’s fabulously tolerant zero-tolerance policy. So no longer is it considered an insult for a boy who can’t cut it with his fellow males to play with the girls. Now it’s a cause for celebration. I’m confused why no one is concerned that Pat is defying the almighty natural selection that chose him to be male, but I guess even evolution is evolving in this enlightened age.
Goff reportedly barely made the girls’ softball team, which probably means he couldn’t have made the varsity boys’ baseball team. Am I saying that boys are better than girls at baseball? That’s exactly what I’m saying. Maybe all those women who have made Major League Baseball teams disagree with me. Oh wait…
Just imagine boys not good enough to earn a college scholarship in men’s basketball, claiming they’re now girls so they can get a scholarship in women’s basketball instead. The average annual cost of a year’s tuition at a public university is about $23,000. Now multiply that by four years in school. If you’re going to pay my $92,000 tuition bill you can call me Shirley or Huckleberry Hound for all I care.
The average WNBA player makes $72,000 a year. On the other hand, the maximum a minor league men’s basketball player in the NBA D-League can earn is $25,000. I can feed a family on $72,000 a year, but not on $25,000 a year. Voila! Say I’m transgendered and I’ve instantly tripled my salary! Not to mention the fact I get access to the women’s locker room. This deal just keeps getting better all the time.
But I’m sure no guys would ever do that with human nature being basically good and all. It’s not like we ever see people attempt to defraud others when bad behavior is incentivized, do we?
And I’m sure no coaches would knowingly play a fraudulent player just to win, since we never see them play ineligible players, players facing criminal charges/prison time, or anything like that when the pressure is on to succeed.
Just wait until the day when a “multi-gendered” athlete plays in a male and female sporting event on the same day. Oh, what a blessed day of diversity that will be! We’ll be as highly evolved as worms, and on the right side of history even. Come on my fellow “its,” let’s not limit ourselves to terms like “male” and “female.” That’s so puritanical and old school. Let’s make ours the generation that puts a whole new twist on the term “switch-hitter.”
Last one out, turn out the lights.
(You can friend “Steve Deace” on Facebook or follow him on Twitter @SteveDeaceShow)