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by Bob Eschliman

It wouldn’t be Christmastide if we Christians weren’t getting our dander up about yet another assault on Christmas. And, just so you know, I’m right there with you.

But I mean, seriously, who doesn’t find a concept like “The Slutcracker” entertaining? Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, and Bob Guccione — fine, upstanding defenders of the First Amendment — would no doubt give it their seal of endorsement, if the latter two weren’t already chestnuts roasting by the fire.

I mean, there’s nothing really wrong about “a parody retelling of the classic,” or a “sexy, freaky, holiday, zeitgeist spectacular” during the Christmas season. And when the Boston Herald said, “Let’s just hope Drosselmeyer doesn’t do anything illegal with the kids,” that’s just some good ol’ fashioned humor.

For the love of Pete, get over yourself, Christians.

So, when the American Civil Liberties Union decides to call out a community comprised largely of the blue-haired set in July about its plans for a Judeo-Christian display in its city park at Christmastime, don’t worry. The ACLU is really looking out for you, and your First Amendment right to be free from religion.

And don’t you dare pull out the 1984 Supreme Court case Lynch v. Donnelly, which said cities had the ability to put out religious displays as long as they were not promoting one religion over another. The justices on the bench at the time were just a bunch of whacked out right-wing nincompoops.

I mean, really… if the ACLU isn’t in your corner, who is?

Besides, this whole “War on Christmas” mess is complete fiction, contrived in the 1950’s by other right-wing nincompoops like The John Birch Society. Who would seriously think the United Nations and Communist Party of America have anything but our best interests in mind?

Nut jobs, that’s who; the kind that would continue to perpetrate a lie like the “War on Christmas” year in and year out until it had completely co-opted the conservative movement in America. Christians are just the willing patsies in this whole cruel, twisted charade.

OK… I can’t do it anymore. My sarcasm is officially broken.

The assault on all things Christian is “as constant as the north star.” In fact, the Lord tells us this is the way it is to be for us. For the overwhelming majority of American Christians, martyrdom is less about losing one’s head literally for our faith as it is about not losing it metaphorically when a non-believer walks all over those things we hold most dear.

“Forgive them, they know not what they do.”

I always like to turn an unbeliever’s ignorance into a teachable moment. Up until more recent years, one of the most popular affronts to Christendom was “Merry X-mas.” But here’s a little story I like to share when someone purposely uses “X-mas” in the hope of honking me off.

Surely, you’ve seen the little fish symbol on many Christians’ vehicles. In fact, I’d be shocked if a goodly number of those of you reading this article didn’t have one yourself. But, for those of you who don’t “get” what the fish represents, it is one of the early church symbols for Jesus Christ.

Back in the days of Saul-before-Paul, the world was none too friendly to the Christian persuasion. So, the only way to let others know you were also Christian was through the use of symbols, like the fish.

Some of those fish symbols have the Greek phrase “IXOYE” written into it. This is the Greek word pronounced “Ichthys,” which means “fish.” But, in early church transliteration, it also means “Jesus Christ of God, Son, Savior.”

I = Jesus

X = Christ

O = of God

Y = Son

E = Savior

Did you catch it? Look back above if you didn’t, and look at the list of letters again. See what the letter “X” stands for?

Now, granted, the non-believers who substituted the “X” for “Christ” had no idea what they were doing. They were either too cheap or lazy to write out the full word “Christ,” or they purposely had an aversion to using one of the many names our Lord is recognized by.

Regardless, He is still glorified. Just be sure to share that with as many of your friends — believer and non-believer alike — as you can. And, while we’re at it…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Bob Eschliman is a journalist who has been covering government and politics in Iowa for more than a decade. He is founder of the Ben Franklin Journalism blog, which promotes greater citizen involvement with the media.